I Am Not Speeding Officer, U Are Too F*cking Slow

Some people call it speeding. We call it escaping boredom.

You know that moment — the road’s wide open, your throttle hand’s itching, and some “authority” thinks they can measure freedom with a radar gun. This hoodie was born from those encounters. It’s a middle finger to slow lanes, speed traps, and anyone who believes in living life at snail pace.

This isn’t just a punchline. It’s a badge of honor for riders who live fast, dodge tickets, and keep the cops wondering where you went. If you’ve ever been told to “slow down,” this is your polite way of saying: Nah.

Built from a heavyweight 70/30 cotton-poly blend for comfort on the ride and durability off it. The graffiti lettering screams attitude — from the donut cop hat to the bright green snail — making sure your message is seen long before they read your license plate.

Only 100 units worldwide. Each one individually numbered. No restocks. No reruns. Own it, or watch someone else speed past wearing it.

Every hoodie comes with a Golden Ticket. Collect 4 and unlock the Relic Hoodie — an ultra-rare, not-for-sale masterpiece reserved for the boldest in the pack.

⚠ Warning: Wear it, and prepare for honks, laughs, and possibly… the world’s slowest angry cops trying to catch you.